i know this is a little late at this point,

But I LOVE THE JERSEY SHORE SO MUCH! This show has rekindled my love for MTV. Are these people even real? I sure hope so, because they make me feel like much less of a failure in general. I don't understand how this is even acceptable. How many STDs do you think this group has collectively had?

Let's get a little bit more specific and discuss the angel known as "Snookie." She is like a oompa loompa made it with a real housewife of new jersey and created a miracle little orange creature. And this girl got straight up punched right in the face by a dude at a bar cause he took her shot and she got up in his grill. MTV probably aired that clip on commercials a zillion times, but then decided to cut it out of the actual episode?! I don't understand why, and it really bummed me out cause she gets POPPED so hard. Do yourself a favor and watch this:



Yeah, it's disturbing the first few times you watch it, but give it a chance. i mean, she IS okay, so it isn't that bad. Anyway, she for real got cracked on. I should probably get out more considering how many times I have seen this clip. guhhh!

i'm baaaaaack!

Hey ya'll. It's been a minute, right? Well, since my last entry on Tom Cruise's jacked up teeth, I have moved twice basically and live in Chattanooga now. I have no friends and a shitty job, but at least I don't live in Antioch!!! Anyway, in celebration of the New Year and my big move, I am bringing bloggin back. That's right, I am really committed this time to making my blog work it. I have big plans for you, pecan bloggers. So buckle up, cause things are about to get real trashy.

Rach

wazzup witcha teef?

take a minute to inspect tom cruise's teeth in the above picture. do you notice anything strange? oh, i dunno, maybe that his teeth are completely off center? its like someone straight up jammed a tooth all up in the middle of his gums. this has bothered me for SO long. i mean, can't he afford new lumineers for goodness sake? get it together tommy girl. divas gotta take care of their teefs!

I know it is a little late to say...

But I am really very sad to see Patrick Swayze go. He was SUCH a genuine and fun person who loved life, and he loved his wife just as much. Tonight I watched the Barbara Walter's special that aired a while back where he and his wife were interviewed about what he has gone through and how much he wanted to fight his cancer. It was all very touching. He had been in love with his wife since he first saw her after taking a dancing class at her mom's studio when he was 18. They were married for 34 years, which seems unheard of in Hollywood. They truly seemed to love each other, and I don't even want to think of loosing your soul mate that way. Patrick Swayze was a totally underrated actor who brought it to EVERY single movie he was in. Outsiders, Pointbreak, Rodehouse, Ghost, Dirty Dancing, To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar, Donnie Darko, THE CHIPPENDALES SKIT WITH CHRIS FARLEY ON SNL?!?!?!!? He was great in everything. It's like he could take a terrible movie and make it awesome because he really was a talented actor. So I will really miss you, Patrick Swayze. I enjoyed you in every movie I saw you in, and I can't say that for many people. You'll be missed Cowboy.

This weekend Tiny & Toya came into my life. I don't know where these two have been, and why I never knew about their show, but I feel like I found my two best dream friends. Toya is in the yellow on the left; she's Lil Wayne's ex-wife and the mother of his daughter. Tiny is the one in the pink on the right. She's T.I.'s fiancee, and she is maybe the most down ass woman I have ever seen in my life. Put them together and you have ATL's finest bffs, and my spirit soul sisters. I should hate Tiny because we all know I consider T.I. a fantasy man, but I cannot hate this woman. Tiny is super awesome and you can tell she is down for her man. I like that. and Toya is just a real down ass woman trying to get hers and stay classy. I like that, too. They are awesome, basically. Their show comes on BET. I suggest you get you some if you wanna keep that independent black woman inside you strong. I really hope season 2 is on the way, cause this show awakens my soul.

lemme holla at'cha

I know, I know. I'm engaged, but I'M NOT DEAD! The newest celebrity crush on my long long list is the one and only Eli Roth. I am fairly certain God made him for me. I saw Inglorious Basterds, and I basically discovered something that was just lying dormant in me all along - a burning love for this beautiful jewish man. He is pretty much the best horror director around. I mean shit, no one will top Cabin Fever as far as I'm concerned. He made it for nothing, made sure everyone got paid before him (he is still not seeing any money from it to this day), made Hostel!!!, has a jaw line sculpted by Jesus Christ himself, and the weird humor that makes me weak in the knees. He is known for being a super nice dude, on top of all that. I mean, I could go on and on about all the bad ass stuff that is Eli Roth, but I will spare you and just let you look that shit up on wikipedia or something. Let's all take a moment to relish in one of his best cameo's in Cabin Fever:



I pour this one out for you, Eli. You seem like you might be a little crazy, and I like that. I leave you with a glimpse into my dreams:

stating the obvious?

I know that this is old news in 2009, but Dog the Bounty Hunter is such a pimp. I was kicking it with my mom the other night looking for something to watch on tv, and happened across his show. So I tuned in and got sucked in immediately. That dude is f-o-r-r-e-a-l. He straight up stalks his prey (aka runaway fugitives) and then makes them feel sorry for what they did. Dog's not happy til they are crying!

Lets do a quick rundown of this prince: Dog sports a bleached beautiful mane, dream catcher earring, native american arm bands, BLUETOOTH EARPIECE, and badge all at the same time. Do I even need to mention his collection of vests he wears sans shirt on the reg? didn't think so. p.s. his wife is so sexy i can't stand it. I mean, she is working those big ol boobs like they're real. These two were practically made for each other. So drink it in, pecan blog babies. Give in and revel in his glory. THA BOUNTY HUNTA!

RIP you robot angel

Dominick Dunne died today. He had bladder cancer, and was 83. This baller had a KILLER show on tru tv (aka my life) called Trial & Arrest where he would tell the story of some kind of intense high profile murder case. He was a writer, a journalist, and a forreal g. He did kind of look like a robot sitting at that table narrating his show, but I loved him for that. I could always depend on him to shoot it to me straight, not to mention he swag was always on. Those glasses were awesome. So here's to you, Dominick. Forensic Friday will never be the same. This weekend I pour one out for you.

long time no blog

it's been a while since i updated this thing, mostly because i only have 6 followers and no one really reads it. Regardless, i am back and i am going to get started again. Things have been intense in my hood lately, and we are in the process of moving. that is my excuse for the lack of bliz-ogging. so i'm back, bitches. let's turn the hate up!

coincidence? nope

This morning I was watching Saved by the Bell as I was getting ready for work, and it was the episode where kelly and zach break up at the costume dance/prom? and slater and jessie were totally singing "how am i suppose to live without you" in the background!!! so emotional. Anyway, I just checked dlisted and THIS IS THE COVER OF PEOPLE MAGAZINE!!!:


I don't think that is a coincidence. I think kelly and zach are going to get back together. fast forward to me hitting the doors at quitting time and snagging this gem off the magazine shelf. and i am glad screech isn't on the cover. he is STILL a douche bag.

i wish i had thought of this

but i am glad someone did it. just check it out.

is.this.happening.

okay, i have gone blog crazy tonight, but this just came on t.v. while i was watching the end of return of the living dead... no joke...




i actually said out loud in my room, alone mind you, "oh my god is this really happening right now???" i hope i'm not alone on this one...

are you super bored and hormonal too?

then just go ahead and watch the episode of 16 and pregnant where catelynn gives up her little girl for adoption. i don't even wanna go into it because i am too busy reevaluating everything about my life right now.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/16-and-pregnant-ep6-catelynn/1615511/playlist.jhtml

tell me whoooooz watchin'

So, I am basically obsessed with "The Money You Could Be Saving If You Switched To Geico" commercials. I dunno why, but every single time the commercial comes on I laugh/jam to the song. I mean, just watch the guy's face at the end after he sees that it's the money he could be saving:



I love it. But the best one is the guy on the airplane that looks like a jilted lover when he sees that money staring him down from across the isle. I WISH I could have found it, but if you ever find yourself watching and it happens to come on, give it a chance. You'll love it too, or else we need to reevaluate our friendship.

Also, during my search for said commercial, I came across one of my FAVORITE commercial from back in the day:



Does Geico have some kind of commercial genius working for them or something??? Or am I so out of touch that I am finding things hilarious that I have no business laughing at? I wish more than anything that Tiny House was a real show. I would tivo the hell out of it. I mean, it could work!!! whatever, it's funny and I could look up geico commercial all day. leave me alone about it. I'll just leave you with this:

do florals make you look thinner?

I am trying to get more floral prints into my life. I am toying with the idea of getting some patterns, but it has been FOREVER since I have had any pattern experience. I need someone to show me? Anyway, I always come across really tight material and I immediately get bummed cause I don't even know how to make something basic.

i also need to admit that i am watching chelsea lately right now, and i am not proud of that, but she can be kind of funny sometimes. it's kind of like watching a drunk aunt or something. anyway, they just showed a commercial on where to get chelsea lately merchandise?! what? who is seriously sporting some CL swag? obviously a slow saturday night. gonna go watch some tru tv.

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY

Here is what is happening: ENTOURAGE premier (i bet it kind of sucks... but i hope it's good)/TRUE BLOOD/Daisy of Love is back!!!!! two days. i am such a freak.

simply dilicous

So, the other day I made myself a couple of peanut butter folded over sammies (extra crunch cause I gotta grind as hard as possible these days) and cut up a peach. it was so good that I am now blogging about it. I don't know what it is, but peaches are taking my summer to new heights of awesome. add a peanut butter sandwich to that and you have a meal i call f-ing tas-tay. I suggest you pair the two for yourself and see what I mean. on a side note - it is almost impossible to find a picture of a peanut butter sandwich that isn't disgusting looking. anyway, I am also interested in trying peanut butter and bacon. I was told about this fabled sandwich, and it was described as outrageous good. I watched a special on bacon the other night on food network, and obvs it got me thinking!!! I bet it's good.

also, my thighs are telling me no, but my stomach is insisting that I have one of these:

WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW. Every year I tell myself, just one box, Rachel. Be strong. So I hide tagalongs in the house so I won't eat them all in one sitting, but I feel like such a secret fattie for it. So secrets out- This is my favorite cookie of all time and I don't even know what to do with this new masterpiece. I feel like it might send me into a coma cause it is gonna be so good? also on a sidenote, I seriously thought these cookies were called talladegas til I was like, 14? 15 even? I actually referred to them as such, and got cold busted by my mom who was all, "uhh it is tagalongs, rach." all I heard was, "did i give birth to a re re?" I mean, how does one even come up with something like that?? talladegas? yikes.


And if you are reading this Brynney - I am sorry girl. I think about you every time i taste peanut butter, and I enjoy it double for the both of us.

go on girl!

check out local honey's blog. shea has a badass shop here in nashville, and she also gets her fashion blog on. my orange antique mall dress on it from last night. obviously she has great taste:) love it!

http://www.localhoneynashville.blogspot.com/

oh hell no

So, TODAY i came across a beautiful picture of joe jackson, and melted. That girl on the left is yevette. She's British and she has some blog of her and pictures with celebrities... although i don't know how reputable that site is... seeing as how it is claming this midnight stallion is a celebrity. Come on! His FACE IS SO SCARY!!! And he looks like he would stain you if he touched you. I just don't understand how so many strange alien people come from this one family. Anyway, just thought I would share so you too could share my nightmare.

you tell me.

What is the difference here? Because when I saw this picture of courtney love's broke down ass today I seriously seriously seriously thought it was bret michaels of poison AND rock of love fame. COME ON, courtney. You are really struggling, girl. and you aren't looking too awesome yourself, bretty. we all know your bald, so you can take that damn bandanna and wig made from old barbie dolls hair off now. if you just look at him in the face, he kind of looks like jon from jon and kate +8. you know, sad and bloated.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEAN MAN?

To me, the fourth of july is the day no one can judge you for anything. it's unamerican. that being said, today i declare my love for donald faison. he is on scrubs (dont judge), and he probably kicks it with zach braff (dont judge!!). i seriously watch the show just to see him. he is the best lines, and the best timing. he ALWAYS makes me laugh, even when the end gets all dumb and fluffy and makes you think about your own behaviors. i turn the channel right about then. but for twenty minutes, donny don is running it. and are you forgetting that he played MURRAY IN CLUELESS?!?!?! "gimmie five dollahs." anytime, don. anytime.

so here's to grills, fireworks, and donald faison. go listen to Webbie feat. Trina "Independent Remix" and remember that all the bad bitch independent girls would be nothing without that declaration of awesomeness. GOD BLESS THE USA!!!

half empty?

Well, the year is officially half over. Can't say I am too sorry to see half of 2009 go, cause it's been a ballbuster of a year thus far, but today is my one year anniversary with cd2 and he sent me some flowers at work. The girls at work probably just think I sent them to myself to try and prove I really do have a boyfriend. Anyway - today is going well and I hope this means that the rest of the year will also be kickass. So here's to you, 2009- your half over and I need a drink.

Side note: this means we are 2 1/2 years away from the end of 2012 a.k.a. end of times. I HOPE WE MAKE IT!!!

PSSSSTT!!!!

I haven't been updating the way I should. Don't judge - it just seems like no one even reads these shits. Regardless, I need to document my newest obsession... DOG WHISPERER. oh. muh. god. just look at this unstoppable diva -

I mean, is this man even real? I am pretty sure he is a demon, cause this fool straight up talks with pups. Cesar Millan is his name, and making bad dogs his tricks is his game. He preaches strong energy to control your wild beasts. I like where his head is. He does this little noise and puts those jerks in line... and I am currently convinced it is witchcraft.

I WISH I had him around when our dog thought it was cool to wiz on everything... and I do mean everything. Also, that doggie had bone aggression. Not cool, so he lives with a much more patient woman now.

I digress - Cesar is a pimp. Check out this vid. I mainly chose this due to the dog's name, and his owners' enthusiasm for the breed. Just watch Cesar show these crazies and their dog who's boss. And where can I get her shirt?!?

doin it real big

Watching Terminator for the first time right now. Real time bloggin ya'll. This movie is taking it there in every way possible. If I saw this for the first time in a theater with out knowing anything about it - i would be FREAKING OUT! I mean seriously - what would you do if you knew a terminator with no eyebrows was trying to pop your ass and some other homeless looking dude was all "come with me if you want to live"!?!?! what.would.you.do.

linda hamilton is also doing it REAL REAL big with that poodle hair.

you're in heaven now, sweet angel

I know it's old news at this point (a whole two hours after I found out), but I am not going to let this day go by without saying my piece about the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Sure, he was a weirdo who might have bad touched a few kids and fed them some delicious Jesus Juice while they were riding his pet giraffe/ferris wheel, but Michael had his reasons for being a freaky freaky dude. I mean, his dad probably touched him too, and for sure abused the hell out of him. I mean, the Jackson 5 were basically the original Menudo. There is a fine line between child labor and entertainment, people. And the Jacksons were Jehovah Witnesses for goodness sakes!!! Poor M.J. couldn't even celebrate his birthday so he had to take it to another level when he got grown. But I digress... I always had love for Michael, even during the later questionable years. The soft spoken shy boy with the world's worst case of arrested development. You had too many jams for me to have hate. JUST TRY TO DENY THRILLER/BAD/BEAT IT/ROCK WITH YOU/MAN IN THE MIRROR/BILLY JEAN! I dare you!!

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. I console myself knowing you and bubbles are finally together again in that Neverland Ranch in the sky wearing matching outfits. Gone but not forgotten. I leave you with this. Shaaamone.

whhaaaaaaaatt?

Is this supposed to be funny? Cause I laughed real hard at around 11:45 last night when this came on the t.v. Just wait for the third person (a.k.a. most awesome black dude of all times) to come on. I mean, spoken word is really ridiculous anyway, but as a subway commercial?!? do they mean for this to be hilarious? I dunno. Either way, good job on this commercial, Subway. I will be frequenting your establishment to eat my feelings more now with your Spicy Italian cause that tuscan chicken melt looks broke off as hell.

there's a shero

Shelly Duvall, you got it girl. I just feel like she is an ultimate hottie, and she knows it. I mean, did you see her in Brewster McCloud???? You wanted to be her. I don't care who you are, you wanted to be her. Anyway - this one's for you, girl. Do tha damn thing.

STOP THE PRESSES!

THIS JUST IN!!! WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY GOT A BLU RAY RELEASE DATE!!!!!

I know I know, it is a little bit nerd herd of me to get psyched for something like that, but it is my favorite movie ever and I have been waiting for this day since I got Chris the damned player. It is going to look so fing sweet - and look the best it has ever looked ever ever. true fact. Quick shout out to Thommy Odell who I lypsynched/coreographed the shit out of "I've Got A Golden Ticket" with in the search for the stars talent competition - Beech High School 2001 - 2nd place winners what what???

Anyway, there will be a ceremonial dinner of wonka related delicacies prepared, so now my goal is to find buttercup tea cups and giant gummybears before August 20th.

yes, you heard me right... a permanent carnival!!!

So, this weekend me and Chris went to Chattanooga for his birthday. On Saturday, we went to Lake Winnepesaukah... and well, it was heaven. It is like a carnival that is open from mid april til the fall, and it is maybe the best place on earth. If you have seen the movie Adventureland, then you are pretty much familiar with what this place has to offer. It has rollercoasters, haunted houses, bumper cars, every kind of ride that makes you wanna puke, paddle boats, swings, god i could keep going, but I won't cause I know your eyes are just filling with tears knowing you arn't there right now. We road everything... but after the rollercoaster and the ride that spins you every way til you can't hold your head up anymore (for real), I felt like puking PLUS it was 98 degrees outside (shout out to the band 98 degrees... ya'll still doin tha damn thing!!!). Anyway, it was awesome. and Pierrette, the corndogs are UNBELIEVABLE. Next chance I think we need to make a roadtrip! And yes, the above picture really is Lake Winnie. When I die, scatter my ashes on the killer ride Matterhorn. kthanx.

FEEL IT!!!

who said the 90's sucked? as far as I am concerned, YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE MARKY MARK, k?????? from his pants to dude next to him's weiner pat, i think we found my new desktop!

Queen Latifa Called...

she wants her butch back. I cannot stand Jada Pinkett Smith. She looks like she probably likes to play a lot of softball. i saw a picture of her sticking her tongue out like she was going to flick tongue will smith on dlisted today and almost barfed at work. so get out of here, jada. no one is gonna watch your new show on tnt, or whatever station was desperate enough to give your own series. blaaakkkkk!

staturday morning fevah/do

oh also, my saturday mornings are totally ruled by "Car Talk" on NPR. LOVE it. It makes the drive to h-e-double hockey sticks an easier pill to swallow. These guys have a really awesome attitude, and i like setting the pace with shit like that. So go on, girls!


and I just watched the Colbert Report, and Austin Goolsbee was on there talking about how he and Obama are just trying to ball in the USA. check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austan_Goolsbee
i mean, he is in the SKULL & BONES SECRET SOCIETY Y'ALLLLL!!!!!!! so so badass. wish i could get in :(

and also p.p.s. - there are like, two different versions of the soup on now? web soup? tosh.o? WTF?? no one gwanna top the soup.

treazurez

Usually I totally hate to watch anyone get rich quick... especially when I don't get a cut, but antiques roadshow is my jam. I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing people's faces when they tell them they hit it big, and I love it even more when the cocky douches who think their junk is gonna make them ballers only to find out it isn't worth SQUAT. This is like reality television for thrift store junkies (guilty!). LOVE it.

Anyway, watch this shit. I totally cried like the PMS ridden girl girl girl that I am when I watched this little old man get his blankie appraised for the first time. It is the perfect case of hoping for the best, expecting the worst, probably deserving the best, and well, JUST WATCH AND DIE!!!

stating the obvs

I know this is totally old news, but every time I watch The Soup on E!, I fall in love with Joel McHale a little more. I used to be totally obsessed with Talk Soup with John Henson was the host, and then it went downhill fast when Hal M-Fing Sparks got a hold of the show. Anyway - Joel is the phoenix rising from those ashes with Talk Soup, and made it relevant again - thank god. The key to my heart is a funny guy, and well, let's just say the door is open, joel!

teevee

btdubs,
why is there no good reality television on now besides daisy of love (which is kind of boring on the real), and kendra? cause nothing else is taking me there. take my trash television, take my life. am i going to have to start doing posts about pat sajak on wheel of fortune? i gotta get a life.

RP

tryin to scorkie a yorkie

Just tryin to get one of these guys in my life right now. Chris's parent's have three of them. They used to breed them kindof... of course they stop when I want to get at one. We USED to have a seven year old boy who peed on everything... he isn't with us now for that sad reason. But we have a hole in my hearts now and it needs fillin!!! New life mission, get a pup. Oh, what? you wanted to know what I was going to name the lil fella? probs jellybean. jelly for short? there is no love like dog love, and i am seriously considering investing my entire tax return in this creature. just TRY to look at that face above and not weep. try it. BOOYAH!!

Do Yourself A Favor

And just close your eyes and jam this song til you cry! Maybe it's the horomones, or maybe it's just the fact that it's a total jam, but billy is taking it there today. I feel like I should be watching Freaks and Geeks.

no really, that's how much i love them

This is a post simply to say that Graham Crackers are delicious. I could eat an entire sleeve of them and not feel bad because they are so good. And SMORES??? Don't even get me started. Who wants to have a bonfire and get the cookout/par-tay started? I'm trying to get my feast on, and no one in this town knows how to have a good time anymore.

Say it to my motha f-in face!

Why is this girl not my new best friend? Seriously, she is here to do work! If you got a problem, hit her up on her myspace. Also - it sounds like she might have a head cold.

vaca vaca vaca

I want a VACATION so f-ing bad. I just saw the hangover last night, and it made me wanna get nuts in sin city. Times like these make me wish I had girlfriends who wanted to cross state lines and PARTY it up with me, seeing as how getting absolutely nuts isn't really what Chris considers a good time. I dunno what it is about Vegas, but I love love love it. I would live there if I was ballin enough. Anyone wanna sponsor a trip for me? I swear it will be worth your hard earned cash. We can have some drinks, win some cash, catch a show, have more drinks, make bad decisions... COME ON! it would be sick - like, exactly like the movie Showgirls. AWESOME!!!!

edith head gave good costume!

gahh. Edith head is such an obsession. Because Chris's whole life revolves around movies, I have had the pleasure of getting to know this beaut of a lady. I mean, seriously y'all. Just wiki this woman, and you will be like shut up!! The list of actresses she designed for and Oscars she was nominated for is sick. Hitchcock used her all the time for costume design cause she is so so fly classic and chic it isn't even funny. I may not have the best threads or know everything there is to know about fashion, but I know that Edith Head's stylee is tight as a mug and I would give anything to have just one dress from her. love it.

p.s. check out tight ass black dude in background.

possible bff?

I NEED to be bff with Kendra Wilkinson. I would watch Girls Next Door just to see her act insane. Her laugh is questionable, but I can deal with it if she would just let me ghost ride the whip with her (which she actually did on the show!!!). She seems down for just about anything. I feel like we could channel our inner strong independent black females together. Have you seen her dance? She totally practices her pop and/or lock in front of the mirror just like me. So awesome. Girl got a new show coming on E!, and I am positive it will be nothing but class class class. After I am done with this I am seriously going to set my dvr to record that mess. I will conclude with a picture of exactly what it would look like if me and kendra were chilling out a smoking a j after a sweet game of b-ball. Thanks for keeping it real, Kendra.

can we make this happen?

When I was a kid, this was what got me out of bed in the morning. I stayed at my grandparent's house a ton, and I am pretty sure Crocodile Mile how my grandma got shit done during the day. She would send me and my bro and/or cousin outside and tell us to go wild. I would get it on and poppin in the back yard with this mess. But any of you who know Crocodile Mile also know it's joys do not come without consequence. If you happen to lay that slide on top of a rock, you can bet you are gonna be bruised that night. NOTHING hurt more than nailing your shin just right on what may as well have been a boulder. But I digress - Crocodile Mile ruled. deal with it.

obsession?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the blog sexy people (http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/). I look at it every day, and last Tuesday my internet time-waisting paid off. Can you even look at him? Cause I can't. It's way too much for me to handle. I lol every time I look at this little precious beast. Huh? Whats his name?? Glad you asked... it's DAVEY!!! I actually set this image as my desktop. Seriously! A sad day quickly turns into an awesome day when Davey gazed deep into your eyes. Is he cock-eyed? I dunno. All I know is that this little guy is straight up working that coonskin hat and tiny shotgun. So drink Davey in - and check out that blog. it funny as hell.

we'd have so much fun

Andy. Andy Samberg. Would you PLEASE just come over and take me on a dream date already? God, I am so into you. You understand how insanely funny early 90's culture and music is, and I like that. I wanna hang out, play with your hair, listen to boys II men and mariah carey's "one sweet day," and make out with you all afternoon long. I am pretty sure you would do nothing but make me laugh, and that is so ultimate. I don't care what anyone says - you are hot as a mug, and totally run it as far as I am concerned. Now lemme holla at'cha.

white trash

I have been toying with the idea of getting one of these necklaces for a long time now. Obvs not in silver OR iced out, but in 24 K GOLD BITCHES. The idea was probably planted in my adolescent brain years ago at Rivergate Mall when I was convinced it was my mission to get one of those necklaces with your name written on a piece of rice and a hair wrap, too?!?!!!! I can't believe that shit was real. ANYWAY... i know what you might be saying: "Girl, you are just trying to be like those sex in the city hoes." No I am not, thank you. I was so pissed to see ol' horsey face sarah jessica parker sporting one of these necklaces back in the day when that show came on, and even more upset to see how popular it got. But I'm not going to let her take this from me. I feel like it would set off many outfits, and look bang bangin with an additional gold (rope?) chain. The trashier the better, as far as I am concerned. Next up - Rachel moves into a trailor in Greenbriar, TN.

for your consideration

this is all i am going to say: Justin Long, get out. i don't want you around anymore. got it, dude?

LAFAYETTE... BABY!

Oh god. So in like, three short days I watched True Blood, and I am officially conflicted and upset on so many levels. Do I keep going for all of those who haven't watched this mess? Careful with my words here. Look. There is plenty of good stuff in this show, but do NOT give me a JEWEL like Lafayette just to possibly take him away from my pathetic life. This individual made me laugh, cry, PAUSE THE DISC JUST TO CALL SOMEONE TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM even!!!!! He turns every possible situation out. It is like if Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Trina, Tu Pac, and Barack Obama had a baby and wanted him to be my best friend in the world. Seriously. I have a list of people that I dream of kicking it with, and this beautiful creature is one of them. This is the kind of individual who always has the right word, pill, or thought to fix your problem. And if anyone even trys to get right with you, don't worry. Lafayette will straight bust on a fool. So tonight, I burn one for you, Lafayette. I love you.

this used to be my playground

when i was a kid, i used to stay at my grandparent's house on the weekends. this totally meant a night of popcorn, maybe some sweet T.G.I.F. action (a full blog devoted only to that beautiful night of television coming up), vanilla cream cookies, and this awesome lineup right here: EMPTY NEST!!

I totally forgot about charlie, the total perv that lived next door. and nurse laverne was one raspy voiced real deal lady. what about barbara the lesbian police officer daughter before it was cool to come on out and be real with it!!! there was even carol, the total mental case daughter who had some serious issues and needed a drink. Empty Nest ruled and it doesn't ever get remembered as fondly as the other classic 80's grandparent shows. That being said, there is obvs no way i can avoid this total gem:
blanch a hoe, rose is trippin, dorthy needs to get laid, and sophia is just keepin it real. nuff said. I will round this out with every southern girls' foundation for life, Designing Women.DO NOT mess with a Sugarbaker. I respect these hoes so much that I made a drink named after them. A Dixie Carter: one part whiskey, three parts lemonade, and a splash of grenadine. what was that? you decided you wanted a straight up Sugarbaker? A Sugarbaker: one part whiskey, two parts lemonade, one part ginger ale. i mean, is it just me? or is the power southern female dream friendship julia sugarbaker and sally field in steel magnolias? i thought so. oh yea, anthony SO gay. why did they EVER think anyone would believe the one very effeminate male in an interior design group was straight? okay, i gotta stop now. what what to all my G.R.I.T.S. out there.

is this wrong?

Like most mentally healthy young women, I have a juicy list of my hollywood dream crushes. But I can't decide of Shia LaBouf is attractive or not. I mean, I am pretty sure he's totez hottt, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. I seriously watched the Transformers movie just to see him a few weeks ago. The movie was so terrible (espesh with that trick Megan Fox in it... she is a total trashcan, right?). I even watched Disturbia... didn't finish that one, though. Even Eagle Eye was a total peice of J-U-N-K, but he did a good job. He seems hecka funny, and he has a good grungy style that takes me there. So what's not to love? Nothing, everyone. nothing.

you're a winner! again!

Little Shawn Johnson won DWTS last night. I mean, I guess I am happy because that hoe bag Cheryl didn't win, but I feel like Gilles was the better dancer. I might be influenced by his tall, dark, and maybe even handsome, but he twerked it. That being said - Shawn did have the best freestyle. So go on, girl. I still say that Lil Kim could have taken them all down with one samba if she hadn't been ROBBED by Ty. yes, I am still upset.

dawson would be proud

michelle williams,

okay -so i didn't like you on dawson's creek. sorry. i think it was because i desperately wanted dawson and joey to get together and stay together, and you were really screwing that up for me. regardless, i think we probably got off on the wrong foot. as more time went by, i started to like you more and more. and now, well, i am not ashamed to admit that you are a shero (female hero) to me on so many levels. your cute ass kid, your banging style, the fact that you hook up with the coolest dudes possible, you have it all, girl. and just when i think you loose me by doing something silly like cutting off all your hair, i end up just getting busted and liking you even more cause you always turn it out. so here's to you, michelle williams. keep on looking good, making your kid look good, and taking it to the streets.

love
rachel

This is a post to honor one of my favorite people - Tiffany "New York" Pollard. First, let me begin with everything this modest angel has been featured in - Flavor Of Love, she made it all the way to the finale and got dumped for Hoopz. Flavor Of Love 2- She got brought back and got dumped AGAIN for Deelishis. Then she got her own spin off, I love New York, where she found love in Tango, but it didn't last. Then she got a second shot at it with I love New York 2, where she fell for Taylor Made, but that toats didn't last either obviously. Then she got the show, New York Goes to Hollywood where she was trying to find an acting job. When that didn't work, VH1 gave her the newest show, New York Goes to Work. This show has brought her back, as far as I am concerned. I mean, duh. It is all fake. But she is so funny and so over the top that I just cannot get enough. Here is the latest quote from the episode I am currenty watching: "I'm about to ring this punk ass billy goat's neck!" And coming up next? She has to artificially inseminate a pig. Yeah.


And don't even get me started on her mom. It is easy to see where New York got her attitude from. So here's to you, Tiffany Pollard. Without you, I would have nothing to watch on VH1 every night of the week. Now I just got to figure out how to make my dream come true of becoming this natural beauty's bff. If you need a good time, go here:

http://tiffanypollard.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html

j'ai faim j'ai faim

When I took French in college, we used to watch cultural films to familiarize ourselves with la vie de francias, si vous plait. Anyway, we watched this one movie that we all really loved, and we quoted it for the rest of our college french class careers. I couldn't ever remember the name of it, and I recently asked Chris (the human imdb) if he knew of a French movie where a baby falls out a window and a little girl yells that she's hungry so people will give her food through her window, among other things. He was all - "Duh, Truffaut's Small change" a.k.a. L'argent de poche. He totally unlocked the door for me, and my suffering was over! We had a bunch of Truffaut and Godard movies at the Belcourt while I was still working there, and got so excited that my college career was finally paying off. J'adore cette film!!!! I guess it was just a matter of time until I started actually enjoy good movies. Truffaut run it.

I love you not!

Daisy of Love: What is this mess? I mean, usually I find most reality shows on VH1 fairly entertaining, but come on. COME on. Really? I mean, this alleged television show is more fake that Daisy De Le Hoya's nose/lips/bra size/personality. And usually I don't ever really believe any of the feelings on these shows are sincere, but sometimes I can trick myself into believing that each and every person is there for love. Call it the drugs. Call it the horomones.

Basically, even tricking myself is completely impossible with this show. And let me also take this opportunity to state that I have every right to hate on Daisy De La Hoya based strictly on the fact that she has NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS TATTOOS!!!! This is easily the most played out ridiculous choice for a tattoo ever. No, it does not make you cool and/or edgy and/or a goth princess. What? You wanna talk about "The Crow" next, Daisy? Maybe even go to Hot Topic and pick out some sweet studded belts? No ma'am. Let me now present what I think about everytime I see this little muppet:


TRY to tell me girlfriend doesn't look like Janet from the muppets. You know I'm right. And truthfully, I'm going to keep watching the show. I'm a sucker for a trainwreck. I just wish they'd bring weasle back!!! And I quote: "Can I get some Whiskey up in this biiitch?"

I wanna take you on a Stardate

I just got back from seeing the new Star Trek movie, and I am wigging out. Yeah, the movie was THE BOMB, but that is not what I am talking about. The insanity that has me buggin has a name, and it is Spock & Jim. O-M-F-G. Am I admitting that I think dudes from a STAR TREK movie are attractive, nay, dimes?? I think so. I didn't want to admit it at first, but as the movie went on, I fell more and more in love. And don't even get me started on their love/hate relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love my bf more than anything, but in another galaxy I would gladly go where no man has gone before with these two honeys.

Also, Doctor Leonard a.k.a. Bones is a d-i-v-a. Two snaps!!