PSSSSTT!!!!

I haven't been updating the way I should. Don't judge - it just seems like no one even reads these shits. Regardless, I need to document my newest obsession... DOG WHISPERER. oh. muh. god. just look at this unstoppable diva -

I mean, is this man even real? I am pretty sure he is a demon, cause this fool straight up talks with pups. Cesar Millan is his name, and making bad dogs his tricks is his game. He preaches strong energy to control your wild beasts. I like where his head is. He does this little noise and puts those jerks in line... and I am currently convinced it is witchcraft.

I WISH I had him around when our dog thought it was cool to wiz on everything... and I do mean everything. Also, that doggie had bone aggression. Not cool, so he lives with a much more patient woman now.

I digress - Cesar is a pimp. Check out this vid. I mainly chose this due to the dog's name, and his owners' enthusiasm for the breed. Just watch Cesar show these crazies and their dog who's boss. And where can I get her shirt?!?

doin it real big

Watching Terminator for the first time right now. Real time bloggin ya'll. This movie is taking it there in every way possible. If I saw this for the first time in a theater with out knowing anything about it - i would be FREAKING OUT! I mean seriously - what would you do if you knew a terminator with no eyebrows was trying to pop your ass and some other homeless looking dude was all "come with me if you want to live"!?!?! what.would.you.do.

linda hamilton is also doing it REAL REAL big with that poodle hair.

you're in heaven now, sweet angel

I know it's old news at this point (a whole two hours after I found out), but I am not going to let this day go by without saying my piece about the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Sure, he was a weirdo who might have bad touched a few kids and fed them some delicious Jesus Juice while they were riding his pet giraffe/ferris wheel, but Michael had his reasons for being a freaky freaky dude. I mean, his dad probably touched him too, and for sure abused the hell out of him. I mean, the Jackson 5 were basically the original Menudo. There is a fine line between child labor and entertainment, people. And the Jacksons were Jehovah Witnesses for goodness sakes!!! Poor M.J. couldn't even celebrate his birthday so he had to take it to another level when he got grown. But I digress... I always had love for Michael, even during the later questionable years. The soft spoken shy boy with the world's worst case of arrested development. You had too many jams for me to have hate. JUST TRY TO DENY THRILLER/BAD/BEAT IT/ROCK WITH YOU/MAN IN THE MIRROR/BILLY JEAN! I dare you!!

Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. I console myself knowing you and bubbles are finally together again in that Neverland Ranch in the sky wearing matching outfits. Gone but not forgotten. I leave you with this. Shaaamone.

whhaaaaaaaatt?

Is this supposed to be funny? Cause I laughed real hard at around 11:45 last night when this came on the t.v. Just wait for the third person (a.k.a. most awesome black dude of all times) to come on. I mean, spoken word is really ridiculous anyway, but as a subway commercial?!? do they mean for this to be hilarious? I dunno. Either way, good job on this commercial, Subway. I will be frequenting your establishment to eat my feelings more now with your Spicy Italian cause that tuscan chicken melt looks broke off as hell.

there's a shero

Shelly Duvall, you got it girl. I just feel like she is an ultimate hottie, and she knows it. I mean, did you see her in Brewster McCloud???? You wanted to be her. I don't care who you are, you wanted to be her. Anyway - this one's for you, girl. Do tha damn thing.

STOP THE PRESSES!

THIS JUST IN!!! WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY GOT A BLU RAY RELEASE DATE!!!!!

I know I know, it is a little bit nerd herd of me to get psyched for something like that, but it is my favorite movie ever and I have been waiting for this day since I got Chris the damned player. It is going to look so fing sweet - and look the best it has ever looked ever ever. true fact. Quick shout out to Thommy Odell who I lypsynched/coreographed the shit out of "I've Got A Golden Ticket" with in the search for the stars talent competition - Beech High School 2001 - 2nd place winners what what???

Anyway, there will be a ceremonial dinner of wonka related delicacies prepared, so now my goal is to find buttercup tea cups and giant gummybears before August 20th.

yes, you heard me right... a permanent carnival!!!

So, this weekend me and Chris went to Chattanooga for his birthday. On Saturday, we went to Lake Winnepesaukah... and well, it was heaven. It is like a carnival that is open from mid april til the fall, and it is maybe the best place on earth. If you have seen the movie Adventureland, then you are pretty much familiar with what this place has to offer. It has rollercoasters, haunted houses, bumper cars, every kind of ride that makes you wanna puke, paddle boats, swings, god i could keep going, but I won't cause I know your eyes are just filling with tears knowing you arn't there right now. We road everything... but after the rollercoaster and the ride that spins you every way til you can't hold your head up anymore (for real), I felt like puking PLUS it was 98 degrees outside (shout out to the band 98 degrees... ya'll still doin tha damn thing!!!). Anyway, it was awesome. and Pierrette, the corndogs are UNBELIEVABLE. Next chance I think we need to make a roadtrip! And yes, the above picture really is Lake Winnie. When I die, scatter my ashes on the killer ride Matterhorn. kthanx.

FEEL IT!!!

who said the 90's sucked? as far as I am concerned, YOU ARE AND WILL ALWAYS BE MARKY MARK, k?????? from his pants to dude next to him's weiner pat, i think we found my new desktop!

Queen Latifa Called...

she wants her butch back. I cannot stand Jada Pinkett Smith. She looks like she probably likes to play a lot of softball. i saw a picture of her sticking her tongue out like she was going to flick tongue will smith on dlisted today and almost barfed at work. so get out of here, jada. no one is gonna watch your new show on tnt, or whatever station was desperate enough to give your own series. blaaakkkkk!

staturday morning fevah/do

oh also, my saturday mornings are totally ruled by "Car Talk" on NPR. LOVE it. It makes the drive to h-e-double hockey sticks an easier pill to swallow. These guys have a really awesome attitude, and i like setting the pace with shit like that. So go on, girls!


and I just watched the Colbert Report, and Austin Goolsbee was on there talking about how he and Obama are just trying to ball in the USA. check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Austan_Goolsbee
i mean, he is in the SKULL & BONES SECRET SOCIETY Y'ALLLLL!!!!!!! so so badass. wish i could get in :(

and also p.p.s. - there are like, two different versions of the soup on now? web soup? tosh.o? WTF?? no one gwanna top the soup.

treazurez

Usually I totally hate to watch anyone get rich quick... especially when I don't get a cut, but antiques roadshow is my jam. I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing people's faces when they tell them they hit it big, and I love it even more when the cocky douches who think their junk is gonna make them ballers only to find out it isn't worth SQUAT. This is like reality television for thrift store junkies (guilty!). LOVE it.

Anyway, watch this shit. I totally cried like the PMS ridden girl girl girl that I am when I watched this little old man get his blankie appraised for the first time. It is the perfect case of hoping for the best, expecting the worst, probably deserving the best, and well, JUST WATCH AND DIE!!!

stating the obvs

I know this is totally old news, but every time I watch The Soup on E!, I fall in love with Joel McHale a little more. I used to be totally obsessed with Talk Soup with John Henson was the host, and then it went downhill fast when Hal M-Fing Sparks got a hold of the show. Anyway - Joel is the phoenix rising from those ashes with Talk Soup, and made it relevant again - thank god. The key to my heart is a funny guy, and well, let's just say the door is open, joel!

teevee

btdubs,
why is there no good reality television on now besides daisy of love (which is kind of boring on the real), and kendra? cause nothing else is taking me there. take my trash television, take my life. am i going to have to start doing posts about pat sajak on wheel of fortune? i gotta get a life.

RP

tryin to scorkie a yorkie

Just tryin to get one of these guys in my life right now. Chris's parent's have three of them. They used to breed them kindof... of course they stop when I want to get at one. We USED to have a seven year old boy who peed on everything... he isn't with us now for that sad reason. But we have a hole in my hearts now and it needs fillin!!! New life mission, get a pup. Oh, what? you wanted to know what I was going to name the lil fella? probs jellybean. jelly for short? there is no love like dog love, and i am seriously considering investing my entire tax return in this creature. just TRY to look at that face above and not weep. try it. BOOYAH!!

Do Yourself A Favor

And just close your eyes and jam this song til you cry! Maybe it's the horomones, or maybe it's just the fact that it's a total jam, but billy is taking it there today. I feel like I should be watching Freaks and Geeks.

no really, that's how much i love them

This is a post simply to say that Graham Crackers are delicious. I could eat an entire sleeve of them and not feel bad because they are so good. And SMORES??? Don't even get me started. Who wants to have a bonfire and get the cookout/par-tay started? I'm trying to get my feast on, and no one in this town knows how to have a good time anymore.

Say it to my motha f-in face!

Why is this girl not my new best friend? Seriously, she is here to do work! If you got a problem, hit her up on her myspace. Also - it sounds like she might have a head cold.

vaca vaca vaca

I want a VACATION so f-ing bad. I just saw the hangover last night, and it made me wanna get nuts in sin city. Times like these make me wish I had girlfriends who wanted to cross state lines and PARTY it up with me, seeing as how getting absolutely nuts isn't really what Chris considers a good time. I dunno what it is about Vegas, but I love love love it. I would live there if I was ballin enough. Anyone wanna sponsor a trip for me? I swear it will be worth your hard earned cash. We can have some drinks, win some cash, catch a show, have more drinks, make bad decisions... COME ON! it would be sick - like, exactly like the movie Showgirls. AWESOME!!!!

edith head gave good costume!

gahh. Edith head is such an obsession. Because Chris's whole life revolves around movies, I have had the pleasure of getting to know this beaut of a lady. I mean, seriously y'all. Just wiki this woman, and you will be like shut up!! The list of actresses she designed for and Oscars she was nominated for is sick. Hitchcock used her all the time for costume design cause she is so so fly classic and chic it isn't even funny. I may not have the best threads or know everything there is to know about fashion, but I know that Edith Head's stylee is tight as a mug and I would give anything to have just one dress from her. love it.

p.s. check out tight ass black dude in background.

possible bff?

I NEED to be bff with Kendra Wilkinson. I would watch Girls Next Door just to see her act insane. Her laugh is questionable, but I can deal with it if she would just let me ghost ride the whip with her (which she actually did on the show!!!). She seems down for just about anything. I feel like we could channel our inner strong independent black females together. Have you seen her dance? She totally practices her pop and/or lock in front of the mirror just like me. So awesome. Girl got a new show coming on E!, and I am positive it will be nothing but class class class. After I am done with this I am seriously going to set my dvr to record that mess. I will conclude with a picture of exactly what it would look like if me and kendra were chilling out a smoking a j after a sweet game of b-ball. Thanks for keeping it real, Kendra.

can we make this happen?

When I was a kid, this was what got me out of bed in the morning. I stayed at my grandparent's house a ton, and I am pretty sure Crocodile Mile how my grandma got shit done during the day. She would send me and my bro and/or cousin outside and tell us to go wild. I would get it on and poppin in the back yard with this mess. But any of you who know Crocodile Mile also know it's joys do not come without consequence. If you happen to lay that slide on top of a rock, you can bet you are gonna be bruised that night. NOTHING hurt more than nailing your shin just right on what may as well have been a boulder. But I digress - Crocodile Mile ruled. deal with it.

obsession?

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the blog sexy people (http://www.sexypeople-blog.com/). I look at it every day, and last Tuesday my internet time-waisting paid off. Can you even look at him? Cause I can't. It's way too much for me to handle. I lol every time I look at this little precious beast. Huh? Whats his name?? Glad you asked... it's DAVEY!!! I actually set this image as my desktop. Seriously! A sad day quickly turns into an awesome day when Davey gazed deep into your eyes. Is he cock-eyed? I dunno. All I know is that this little guy is straight up working that coonskin hat and tiny shotgun. So drink Davey in - and check out that blog. it funny as hell.

we'd have so much fun

Andy. Andy Samberg. Would you PLEASE just come over and take me on a dream date already? God, I am so into you. You understand how insanely funny early 90's culture and music is, and I like that. I wanna hang out, play with your hair, listen to boys II men and mariah carey's "one sweet day," and make out with you all afternoon long. I am pretty sure you would do nothing but make me laugh, and that is so ultimate. I don't care what anyone says - you are hot as a mug, and totally run it as far as I am concerned. Now lemme holla at'cha.