white trash

I have been toying with the idea of getting one of these necklaces for a long time now. Obvs not in silver OR iced out, but in 24 K GOLD BITCHES. The idea was probably planted in my adolescent brain years ago at Rivergate Mall when I was convinced it was my mission to get one of those necklaces with your name written on a piece of rice and a hair wrap, too?!?!!!! I can't believe that shit was real. ANYWAY... i know what you might be saying: "Girl, you are just trying to be like those sex in the city hoes." No I am not, thank you. I was so pissed to see ol' horsey face sarah jessica parker sporting one of these necklaces back in the day when that show came on, and even more upset to see how popular it got. But I'm not going to let her take this from me. I feel like it would set off many outfits, and look bang bangin with an additional gold (rope?) chain. The trashier the better, as far as I am concerned. Next up - Rachel moves into a trailor in Greenbriar, TN.

for your consideration

this is all i am going to say: Justin Long, get out. i don't want you around anymore. got it, dude?

LAFAYETTE... BABY!

Oh god. So in like, three short days I watched True Blood, and I am officially conflicted and upset on so many levels. Do I keep going for all of those who haven't watched this mess? Careful with my words here. Look. There is plenty of good stuff in this show, but do NOT give me a JEWEL like Lafayette just to possibly take him away from my pathetic life. This individual made me laugh, cry, PAUSE THE DISC JUST TO CALL SOMEONE TO TELL THEM HOW MUCH I LOVED HIM even!!!!! He turns every possible situation out. It is like if Beyonce, Mariah Carey, Trina, Tu Pac, and Barack Obama had a baby and wanted him to be my best friend in the world. Seriously. I have a list of people that I dream of kicking it with, and this beautiful creature is one of them. This is the kind of individual who always has the right word, pill, or thought to fix your problem. And if anyone even trys to get right with you, don't worry. Lafayette will straight bust on a fool. So tonight, I burn one for you, Lafayette. I love you.

this used to be my playground

when i was a kid, i used to stay at my grandparent's house on the weekends. this totally meant a night of popcorn, maybe some sweet T.G.I.F. action (a full blog devoted only to that beautiful night of television coming up), vanilla cream cookies, and this awesome lineup right here: EMPTY NEST!!

I totally forgot about charlie, the total perv that lived next door. and nurse laverne was one raspy voiced real deal lady. what about barbara the lesbian police officer daughter before it was cool to come on out and be real with it!!! there was even carol, the total mental case daughter who had some serious issues and needed a drink. Empty Nest ruled and it doesn't ever get remembered as fondly as the other classic 80's grandparent shows. That being said, there is obvs no way i can avoid this total gem:
blanch a hoe, rose is trippin, dorthy needs to get laid, and sophia is just keepin it real. nuff said. I will round this out with every southern girls' foundation for life, Designing Women.DO NOT mess with a Sugarbaker. I respect these hoes so much that I made a drink named after them. A Dixie Carter: one part whiskey, three parts lemonade, and a splash of grenadine. what was that? you decided you wanted a straight up Sugarbaker? A Sugarbaker: one part whiskey, two parts lemonade, one part ginger ale. i mean, is it just me? or is the power southern female dream friendship julia sugarbaker and sally field in steel magnolias? i thought so. oh yea, anthony SO gay. why did they EVER think anyone would believe the one very effeminate male in an interior design group was straight? okay, i gotta stop now. what what to all my G.R.I.T.S. out there.

is this wrong?

Like most mentally healthy young women, I have a juicy list of my hollywood dream crushes. But I can't decide of Shia LaBouf is attractive or not. I mean, I am pretty sure he's totez hottt, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. I seriously watched the Transformers movie just to see him a few weeks ago. The movie was so terrible (espesh with that trick Megan Fox in it... she is a total trashcan, right?). I even watched Disturbia... didn't finish that one, though. Even Eagle Eye was a total peice of J-U-N-K, but he did a good job. He seems hecka funny, and he has a good grungy style that takes me there. So what's not to love? Nothing, everyone. nothing.

you're a winner! again!

Little Shawn Johnson won DWTS last night. I mean, I guess I am happy because that hoe bag Cheryl didn't win, but I feel like Gilles was the better dancer. I might be influenced by his tall, dark, and maybe even handsome, but he twerked it. That being said - Shawn did have the best freestyle. So go on, girl. I still say that Lil Kim could have taken them all down with one samba if she hadn't been ROBBED by Ty. yes, I am still upset.

dawson would be proud

michelle williams,

okay -so i didn't like you on dawson's creek. sorry. i think it was because i desperately wanted dawson and joey to get together and stay together, and you were really screwing that up for me. regardless, i think we probably got off on the wrong foot. as more time went by, i started to like you more and more. and now, well, i am not ashamed to admit that you are a shero (female hero) to me on so many levels. your cute ass kid, your banging style, the fact that you hook up with the coolest dudes possible, you have it all, girl. and just when i think you loose me by doing something silly like cutting off all your hair, i end up just getting busted and liking you even more cause you always turn it out. so here's to you, michelle williams. keep on looking good, making your kid look good, and taking it to the streets.

love
rachel

This is a post to honor one of my favorite people - Tiffany "New York" Pollard. First, let me begin with everything this modest angel has been featured in - Flavor Of Love, she made it all the way to the finale and got dumped for Hoopz. Flavor Of Love 2- She got brought back and got dumped AGAIN for Deelishis. Then she got her own spin off, I love New York, where she found love in Tango, but it didn't last. Then she got a second shot at it with I love New York 2, where she fell for Taylor Made, but that toats didn't last either obviously. Then she got the show, New York Goes to Hollywood where she was trying to find an acting job. When that didn't work, VH1 gave her the newest show, New York Goes to Work. This show has brought her back, as far as I am concerned. I mean, duh. It is all fake. But she is so funny and so over the top that I just cannot get enough. Here is the latest quote from the episode I am currenty watching: "I'm about to ring this punk ass billy goat's neck!" And coming up next? She has to artificially inseminate a pig. Yeah.


And don't even get me started on her mom. It is easy to see where New York got her attitude from. So here's to you, Tiffany Pollard. Without you, I would have nothing to watch on VH1 every night of the week. Now I just got to figure out how to make my dream come true of becoming this natural beauty's bff. If you need a good time, go here:

http://tiffanypollard.blogspot.com/2007_05_01_archive.html

j'ai faim j'ai faim

When I took French in college, we used to watch cultural films to familiarize ourselves with la vie de francias, si vous plait. Anyway, we watched this one movie that we all really loved, and we quoted it for the rest of our college french class careers. I couldn't ever remember the name of it, and I recently asked Chris (the human imdb) if he knew of a French movie where a baby falls out a window and a little girl yells that she's hungry so people will give her food through her window, among other things. He was all - "Duh, Truffaut's Small change" a.k.a. L'argent de poche. He totally unlocked the door for me, and my suffering was over! We had a bunch of Truffaut and Godard movies at the Belcourt while I was still working there, and got so excited that my college career was finally paying off. J'adore cette film!!!! I guess it was just a matter of time until I started actually enjoy good movies. Truffaut run it.

I love you not!

Daisy of Love: What is this mess? I mean, usually I find most reality shows on VH1 fairly entertaining, but come on. COME on. Really? I mean, this alleged television show is more fake that Daisy De Le Hoya's nose/lips/bra size/personality. And usually I don't ever really believe any of the feelings on these shows are sincere, but sometimes I can trick myself into believing that each and every person is there for love. Call it the drugs. Call it the horomones.

Basically, even tricking myself is completely impossible with this show. And let me also take this opportunity to state that I have every right to hate on Daisy De La Hoya based strictly on the fact that she has NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS TATTOOS!!!! This is easily the most played out ridiculous choice for a tattoo ever. No, it does not make you cool and/or edgy and/or a goth princess. What? You wanna talk about "The Crow" next, Daisy? Maybe even go to Hot Topic and pick out some sweet studded belts? No ma'am. Let me now present what I think about everytime I see this little muppet:


TRY to tell me girlfriend doesn't look like Janet from the muppets. You know I'm right. And truthfully, I'm going to keep watching the show. I'm a sucker for a trainwreck. I just wish they'd bring weasle back!!! And I quote: "Can I get some Whiskey up in this biiitch?"

I wanna take you on a Stardate

I just got back from seeing the new Star Trek movie, and I am wigging out. Yeah, the movie was THE BOMB, but that is not what I am talking about. The insanity that has me buggin has a name, and it is Spock & Jim. O-M-F-G. Am I admitting that I think dudes from a STAR TREK movie are attractive, nay, dimes?? I think so. I didn't want to admit it at first, but as the movie went on, I fell more and more in love. And don't even get me started on their love/hate relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love my bf more than anything, but in another galaxy I would gladly go where no man has gone before with these two honeys.

Also, Doctor Leonard a.k.a. Bones is a d-i-v-a. Two snaps!!

only in my dreams

I need these in black. Need isn't even the right word for what's going on right now between me and these shoes. Marc by Marc Jacobs leather laced dance shoe with diamante detail. I breath for you. I look at you countless times during the week. I saw you once in an issue of Nylon a while back (again, don't judge), and I never thought I would see you again. But here you are. I love you so much.

Why can't I afford designer clothing? I would turn those shoes out.

i-n-d-e

the strong black female in me is totally empowered by the following song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jnaRi4mANI

Dorrough, you know just what to say to remind me why i grind so hard, and i thank you. So beautiful are the words of a sensitive thug trying to show love the only way he knows how. It's no "you are appreciated," but that's really more of a mother's day song anyway.

don't you judge!

I will begin this train wreck with the first of many of my obsessions: DANCING WITH THE STARS, Y'ALL!!!!! I have been watching this show for years. Yes, that's right - YEARS. And no, I am not ashamed. It has everything a lady like myself needs out of a "reality" show (I use that term very loosely). Glitz, ridiculous costumes, FIERCE dance moves, drama, scoring paddles, questionable sexuality, and a bevy of z-listed celebrities/musicians/bull riders/football players/sad hasbeens etc. Every week I get pissed because the judges (if you even wanna call them that) have the most insane scoring scale. I am sorry, but there is NO WAY on my version of Earth that this urban cowboy:




Competes with THE QUEEN BEE!!!




And I am not trying to hate too hard on Ty. He and his lady Jewel used to come in a hellish mexican cantina where I worked for a whole month, and they were quite pleasant. But I mean, come on. I don't watch DWTS to see Bud and Sissy two-step. I watch to see these people turn the beat around! These two are in different universes when it comes to how they get down. If the judges actually used the 1-10 scale accurately, then nutsacs like Cloris Leachman and Ty Murray wouldn't ruin my Monday nights every week. So Ty, I suggest you watch your back. Cause when you rumble with the Bee, you're gonna get stung.

STAY STRONG LIL KIM!

your editor's mission:

hello. do you enjoy window shopping online for hours for clothes/junk you don't need, watching reality television until your eyes glaze over, and looking at tragic celebrity gossip to make you feel better about your own situation? well my name is rachel, and we are going to get along great if you answered yes to any of those questions. i promise you a good time here, so get ready to be turned out by Pecan Blog. I mean, it ain't trickin' if you got it.